'Twas Hallowe'en upon Small Red
As Lister lay upon his bed
Engrossed in reading a large book
On ghosts and ghouls and the odd spook.
Eyes open wide, he turned the page
When entered Rimmer, in a rage.
"The stupid goit", snapped Arnie J
"I don't know why we let him stay!"
"Who's that, then, Rimmer?", Lister said
while still engrossed in what he read.
"The Cat!", said Arn, "He's lost his grip,
He thinks this is a haunted ship"
"What, haunted, as in has a ghost?
He must have eaten too much toast!"
said Lister, raising one eyebrow,
"But what I want to know is how
he came to think that this was true.
Holly, has he said to you?"
"What's that, then, Dave" enquired Holly
And Lister told him of Cat's folly.
"Well," said Holly, "I don't know.
Perhaps it was the strange green glow
I've seen around the cargo bay."
"You what!" said Lister, "You didn't say!"
"Not you as well!" sneered Arn to Holly
"You must have gone right off your trolley."
"Come on, then, let's go and see"
said Lister.  "I'm not scared, not me"
And so they went down to the bay
Collecting Cat along the way.
They took the lift down fifty floors
And went in through the big bay doors.
And sure enough a mist glowed green
Just like the Cat and Hol had seen.
Said Lister, feeling not so bold
"Guys, is it me, or is it cold
In here?"  Just then the lights went out
which caused them all to give a shout 
Of fear.  And then they heard a moan,
a scream, a shriek and then a groan
And footsteps echoed all around
Then came the howling of a hound.
The lights came on, revealed the sight
Of their three faces pale with fright.
But nothing else was there to see 
No feet, no dog, no strange banshee.
Then Rimmer made a retching sound
And then his head spun three times round.
"Possessed!" cried Dave.  "A fiend from hell!
Quick, get me candle, book and bell."
The Cat could only stand and stare
And wish he'd brought clean underwear.
Then Lister cried "Where are you, Hol?"
And turned around to face the wall.
But there in place of Holly's head
A pumpkin lantern glowed instead
And Gothic letters on the screen
Spelt out "HAPPY 'HOLLY' EEN'

Hilary Band