From: Friday 
Subject: The Good Corner Guide

Welcome, one and all, to the "Good Corner Guide", aka "The Manchester
Meet Report", or, alternatively, "All You Ever Wanted to Know About
Organising Piss-Ups in Breweries".

Hmm, well, where to begin...  Let me start out to say that it's not a
*certainty* that us UK Dwarfers couldn't organise the proverbial
piss-up in a brewery, but it'd be a close-run thing. =)  Anyways, to
the nitty-gritty...

OK, it's about 11:15 am at 'Erebedragons, and lickle Fwiday thinks
"Hmm, time I weren't here."   So, off he trots up the hill to where
his Teapot is parked.  It's a little car, but those Italian engines
are pretty nippy, and the fuel injection helps the titchy engine to
keep up a reasonable performance.  Perhaps now if a good time for
Friday to point out that his is more than twice the size of Reke's. =)
Sitting behind the weary steel, Fri turns the key in the ignition.
*clunk*  Hmmm, he thinks.  *clunk*  Aha!  Inspiration.  He pulls the
key from the steering column, and presses the magic ket against the
flashing receptacle on the dashboard.  The little LED winks out, and
Friday tries again.  *click* *vroooom!*  Success!  Fri beds down and
turns on the stereo... "#You gotta roll with it, you gotta take your
time...".  Ah, heaven, sheer, heaven.  A car, Oasis, a sunny day and
an open road.  What more could a young chap want?  Well, I'm sure you
all have your own ideas about that, ranging from lobotomizing to, erm,
something else ;), so we'll not take that path today.  Fri slipped
the car into first, stamped on the loud pedal, lifted his foot from
the clutch and sped off down the road...  He was off.

The M6 was uneventful as ever, as was the M61.  Friday hadn't seen
anything of interest on a motorway since he passed that MoveOverNova
burning up on the hard shoulder.  Eventually Fri came to the motley
collection of building which passes for Gun^H^H^HManchester.

After taking a few wrong turns, including the one which was the wrong
way up a one-way street,  Fri managed to find a carpark, and so
deposited his motor in this little "safe" haven amidst the hustle of
Mankychester's streets.  Off he tramped.  Tramp.  Tramp.  Tramp.
Ah, the Arndale Centre.  Friday walked in through the glass doors.
Fortuitously, they were open, so no major injuries were suffered. Lucky,
that, eh readers?  Friday trudged wearily along the mall, to the Warner
Brothers store.  When he arrived he spied a possibly likely looking
few people, but he wasn't sure, and he's not the sort to make a fool
of himself in public (shut up), so he decided to sit down nearby until
such a time as he decided that these were the right people, and more
importantly, that he wanted to be associated with them. =)  After a
couple of minutes a security guard came up the Fri, who was sitting
very quietly, not bothering everyone.  "Stand up," he said.  "You what,"
said Fri.  "Private poperty," said Mr JobsWorth, "the rules say no sitting
on the floor."  "Do I *look* like a vagrant?" said Fri.  "Stand up,"
said the anus.  Fri stood up, and followed the guard as he walked away.
Only as far as the bookshop though, where he dipped in to have a little
look around before going back to his place near the WB shop.  The little
gathering had grown, and Fri watched for a while longer, just to be
sure.  He spotted a rude, it said "TWAT" *shock*, t-shirt upon the body
of a nice young girl wearing a necklace which read "EMMA".  "Hmm,"
pondered Friday, "they look like they're the right people, and they
don't look *too* scary..." and he approached the gathering.

By about 1:15 there were a number of people there;  Friday, Raz,
Ang, Fraser, Dave, Adam and Emma, Wraithy, and another chap whose
name Friday never did catch, but for the purposes of this article we
shall call him Mark Thatcher, by virtue of his amazing navigational
capabilitles.  *grin*  You had to be there. =)  No sign of CMA or
Reke, who were travelling together, so the group watied, and chatted.

Ang did admit that she actually knows nothing about genetics, and all
the information in the current evolution thread was lifted from the
pages of three dozen encyclopaedias and the brains of a tame professor.
There, Ang, your cover's blown. =)

The conversation turned, between Friday and Emma at least, to the subject
of the nice young girlie stood at the entrance of the WB store, greeting
people as they arrived, and saying goodbye as they left.  Off trotted
Emma to try it out for herself, and sure enough got a cheery "Goodbye"
as she left the shop.  The question was raised as to how much they get
paid for that job.  Always ready to try to quence his insatiable thirst
for knowledge, or something very similar =),  off went Friday to as the
young lady this very question.  It transired that she earns three pounds,
seventy per hour.  Not bad for a job which entails such a miniscule
amount of work.  However, eventually the truth came out... they are actually
on a 30 minute shift rotation.  Blimey.  So, after half an hour someone else
gets to play Captain Greetall, and the previous player goes back into the
dingy depths of the shop to persua a fulfilling career of shelf-stocking.
Heady stuff indeed.  After a good few minutes of harrassing the door staff,
the posse left her to get on with things, and retired once more to their
corner.  After some time another security guard approached, and moved the
party on with extreme prejudice.  Well, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it's
the principle. =)  Adhering strictly to the letter of the request, the
atrd party uprooted themselves, and traipsed, oooh, 5 metres, to the corner
on the other side of the entrance.  And a very nice corner it was too, with
a much more pleasant ambience than the first corner.  Every cloud, and all
that.

Time passed.

More time passed.

Eventually, *an hour and ten minutes* after the appointed time, CMA and
Reke decided to grace the gathering with their presence.  Many cheers
of hurra^H^H^H^H^Habout time were chorussed.

"OK, we're all here.  What are we gonna do?" was the question in everyone's
mind.  No one had any ideas.  Much "Umm"ing ensued...  A concensus was
reached that food seemed like a plan.  OK, food.  What food?  Again there
was much "Erm"ing and scratching of heads.  Apparently aimlessly to all
but the most intent observers, the group trailed out of the Arndale
Centre, and into the streets beyond its walls.  Anon, the party found
itself without the hallowed walls of "Burger King", and after another
bout of indecision, just for good measure, they entered.  Various
delights were purchsed from the spotty goits behind the counter, and the
gathering descended into the basement to scoff its scran.  Raz and CMA
apparently decided that the rest of the group were suffering some form
of collective social disease, as least, we *hope* it was social, and
they elected to grab a table to themselves, at a comfortable distance
from the great unwashed masses.

*munch*

*slurp*

Friday lovingly gift-wrapped the items which had contained his repast, and
offered them to CMA, on bended knee no less.  Alas, such riches were not
within the walls of CMA's desires, so he returned forlornly to his seat.
And what should happen as Fri was about to sit down?   I'll tell you what
happened.  Little Adam, goit, first class, that he is, tried to kick
poor, unsuspecting Friday's chair away from under him.  Luckilly, for
Friday at least, he failed dismally, and Fri alighted like a feather atop
his seat.  Glaring at Adam, Friday bent down, grabbed one of the legs of
Adam's chair, and slowly, slowly lifted it up, pouring Adam from it like
last week's sour milk.  What a nasty chap that Friday is, oh best
beloved.  What a nasty chap indeed.  As Friday's eyes flitted around the
scene, they noticed a rather cute little lion cub on the side of the
BK "Lion King" paper bags.  "Awww," thought Friday, "I'll have a bit of
that."  And so he carefully tore the lickle lion cub from the side of
the paper bag, appartently To the entrallment of a number of people.
Little things, I guess. =)  So, if anyone wants to bid for a little
Simba (?) of their very own, hand-torn by Fri's fair hand, email him
on friday@cobalt... =)

Of course, Burger King was not a place to spend an entire afternoon,
so the crowd upped and outed.  At this time we bid a tearful faretheewell
to Ang, as she had to whizz of home to prepare for a party at her house
to which she didn't want to go.  Tsh, family, eh.  Who needs 'em? =)

Hmm, I'm rambling aren't I?

/mode +summary Friday

Left Burger King
Decided against going to the pictures 'cos there'd almost certainly
be nothing that some of us hadn't already seen, or wanted to see, or
would be allowed to see
Looked for a pub
Failed
Went to Afflecks Palace for Emma
Emma bought an earring
Left Afflecks
Wandered aimlessly looking for a pub again
Failed again
Found a cafe bar
Went in

/mode -summary Friday

It was in this cafe bar that poor, gullible Reke was hoodwinked by
Wraithy into buying him a can of Hooch.  "It's only lemonade, honest
Gun'nor."  Hmmm...  The party stayed in the cafe for the rest of the
afternoon, with Emma and CMA getting bored to various extents with
the talk of cars and computers. =)  At about 5:45 pm moves were made,
and leaves were taken.  It was decided that a number of people would
go to Belle Vue.  Who knew the way?  Well, Friday wasn't sure, Reke
*thought* he did, but "Mark Thatcher" was certain that he knew Manchester
like the back of his hand, so it was decided to follow him.  Big mistake.
Belle Vue is about 3 miles from the centre of manchester, and should
take about 5-10 minutes to find.  Off we set...

Now, I'm not sure whose hand he knew Manchester like, but I'm damn
sure it wasn't his own.  Over half an hour later, and an admission
of "I'm lost" and a subsequent u-turn later the little three car
convoy arrived at Bell Vue, only to find that the bowling alley
was a phantom, and actually existed in Stockport.  Oh, how we laughed.
Hehehehehe.

Adam and Emma had to get back into the centre of Rainchester to catch
the metro back home, and so much time has been spent finding the
non-existent bowling alley, that they bid fare well to the remaining
atrders and toodled back to the centre with Friday.  On parting, a
vow was taken that "next time, we'll *organise* it", with the possibility
of a trip to Alton Towers being mentioned.

Back in the centre of Manchester, Friday said goodbye to Adam and Emma,
and collected a hug from Emma.  And very nice is was too. =)  With a
tear in his eye, Friday went back to the car, and drove off to fulfill
the promise of a drunken night out with...  but that's not a story to
tell here... *grin*

Epilogue:

So, there you have it.  In the organisation stakes the meet was Really
Rather Crap[tm] =).  No prizes would be won on that front.  However,
I for one certainly had a great, fun day, and relished the opportunity
to put some faces to the names.  It has to be said that Fraser doesn't
look at all like a Fraser should =).  *Real* Frasers have lots of red
hair, and red faces adorned with very big noses.  Not this one though.
Wraithy was 12, looking 14.  Adam was 13, looking 10. =)  Sorry, Adam.
Hehehehe.  Emma was cute, and she gave me a kiss, so she's OK in my
book. =)  Oh, she also said I only looked about 22 maybe.  *grin*
Emma, I herewith grant you special dispensation for a 5 line .sig.
Erm, joke. =)  Reke has a very cute car.  Dinky little thing it is.
Much cuter than mine. =(

But I know the question on everyone's lips.  "What about Raz?  Is that
.gif at Cathouse anything like the Real Thing?"   Well, yes.  Except that
it should probably be stretched vertically a little bit.  Oh, and one
other thing.  Remember Crazylegs Crane?  Remember his neck?  'Nuff said.

So, next time we'll make sure we have some semblence of a plan - or
at least someone who is capable of making decisions for a whole bunch
of indecisive people.  Who's up for Alton Towers then?

From: [email protected] (Cma)

8th October
IRC #Starbug
"So, about this meet," said I, "Since it's actually going to be next week,
wouldn't it be a good idea to work out some sort of a plan?"

And thus leapt Friday to the rescue. And it was planned that we could meet
at 1pm at the Warner Brothers' shop and then go bowling.

A Plan. A purpose. A Meaning to it all.


14TH OCTOBER
CMA'S BEDROOM
11.29 AM

.... he said 11.30, he'll be here soon. Reke's one of those sensible,
reliable other-words-that-end-in-ible type of blokes, he'll be along in a
minute - at 11.30, like he said... Okay, so he wasn't. 11.31 - any time
now...

11.50 he arrives...

Later... much, much later we find the carpark... a carparking space...
it's 2pm. Did I ever mention BST? Will they believe they're early and we're
on time? Probably not... Will they still even *be* there? Probably not
again...

THE ARNDALE CENTRE
2.10PM

"This is a public announcement. Will anyone who has been separated from
their friends and family make their way to the Meeting Point outside the
Warner Brothers Store."

Goits, they're taking the smeg, for sure...

Reke's legs are longer than mine, I can't keep up. Where's this WB shop
then? Oh, follow the signs... Reke's vanished, never mind, I'll catch up.
Ah, there's the shop.

Scanners on Identify... scan left - no one recognisable there... pan right,
still no one... hang on, who am I actually going to recognise? Raz, and
that's all... scan for likely suspects. A group - not a Dwarf T shirt in
sight... possible incorrect group. Continue scanning - Aha! Raz!

Launch myself at the group with a cry of "It was his fault!" and an accusing
point at Reke. "Ah, they're here," said someone - astutely observed. I ask
who everyone is. They tell me. I totally fail to take it in.

"We can go now"
"Where to?"
Shrugs.
"Let's eat."
Nods.
"What shall we eat?"
"Food."

Good plan. We move on. Andy's leading. Andy. Remember that name.

Is the group together? How will we know when we lose someone? Why am I
worried? Where are we going? Why is Andy behind me if he's leading? He's
overtaken, that's better... follow Andy. Cross the road chanting:
"Mind that bus"
"What bus?"
"Splat" and just avoid being hit by the number 49.

More walking... here's Burger King. Burger King's fine, but McDonalds must
be boycotted... wonder why?

Stand outside Burger King. Discuss whether to go in. Discuss merits of
Burger King. Wonder whether to go for Pizza. Wonder where to go for pizza.
Mention of Kebabs. Wonder if Burger King isn't the best plan after all.

"Psst, Raz."
"Mmm?"
"If we go in do you think they'll follow?"
Shrug.

I walk into Burger King. I get followed. I buy a burger to take out. I
leave. I'm not followed. Pause. Eat. Deposit rubbish. Glance into BK -
get waved back in and ushered along to seats. Not enough of them though.
The group converges around two tables. Someone in the shop wanders out, I
go for their chair. Friday's quicker. I'm quicker than Raz though, grab his
chair and sit on it pointedly in the space left by what is now Friday's
chair. Raz gets another chair and seats himself, and suddenly we've become
social outcasts.

"They wanna be togevver" says Fri.

Hmm. True...
Eat food... watch others eat food. Watch others totally captivated by Friday.
Why? What's he doing? Can't see... oh well. Others gaze on. And then Friday
emerges with a hand made Lion King badge. The spell released, the others are
capable of talking again. Except Dave... and Fraser. Can they talk? Ah,
Fraser spoke. Dave's a lurker - it all makes sense. Wonder what they're
saying? Too far off to tell. Ah well, probably ain't important...

Take careful aim with a chip (do they call 'em chips in here?) and hit Fri
solidly on the back of the head. A glare in response. A threat revolving
around the fact that my status of being on a chair could easily be changed.

Shut up for a while. Ang talks about genetics. Such threads will haunt us
forever. Just as well I can't hear *what* she's saying.

Emma's hair looks cool - it's red. Jim doesn't look like he's twelve, he
looks 14 at least. Reke looks out of place - far too respectable looking for
this bunch. Friday looks younger than he should too... and he's kneeling at
my feet.

"I wrapped this for you."

And so he had... but what was it? I wait a while. No revelation. I eye the
serviette tentatively. Friday withdraws the offer. Suddenly it seems it's
time to leave, and avoiding the six year old kid whose nicked the BK broom
to the amusement of the BK sweeper and the annoyance of his mother, we make
our way forwards. And Ang says goodbye. She's off. Leaving. Already. But I
haven't spoken to her yet...

"Oh, well, um... thanks for kick starting this event, anyway."
"I didn't" (She didn't? Who did?) "I'm going to go away now and make up
something really exciting to tell the Australians to prove our meet was
better than theirs."

Ang leaves. We all leave. And we stand outside wondering what to do next.

"We could find a pub".

Yeah... except we couldn't. We find a shut one, and one that turns out to
be an amusement arcade when we reach it. Pass "Friday's Place" and "Ellie's
World Travel" on the way... Stand there aimlessly. Friday mugs Adam. The
passers by don't mind. Friday eats Adam's bus ticket.

Emma wants some ear rings... along the street, double back, along another
street, around here, up there, down this place and reach a building. Play a
bizarre game of follow my leader in amongst the bongs, the crystals and the
jewelry. Emma buys ear rings, aided by Friday.

Follow-the-leader back out again. Now what? Hmm, the street's moved...
maybe there was another entrance/exit.

"We could go bowling."
Bad plan. Bowling's miles away. Or close. But no one knows where the close
bowling place is.

"We could go to the cinema."
Bad plan. Someone with a brain had apparently pointed out that the cinema
just wouldn't work out as a) we wouldn't be able to talk b) we wouldn't be
able to find something to watch that veryone hadn't already seen and c) we
probably all wouldn't want to get into the types of film we were all actually
allowed to see.

And so we wander aimlessly along, but lo, Friday doth say tis not aimless.
We are going to Where We Are Going. It is the Plan and it hath manifested
itself.

"So um, how will we know when we get there, then?"
"A great sign shall be seen in the heavens and we will know that we are
there when we arrive."

We wander some more. Friday stops looking for The Sign That We Are There and
is acosted by a pretty charity worker. We wonder abut money. Maybe we could
busk, but then we need to be capable of buskng to do that. We need a juggler,
a singer and a musician, to make a complete set, and we are short only of the
musician, the the singer and something to juggle.

We meet a green man. He is green. He sits in a crowd and doesn't move. The
crowd taunt him and sometimes offer money. Money buys a thumbs up from the
green man. Jim and Friday take up their positions and sit still. No one gives
them any money. We see The Sign, and find that we are Where We Were Going,
so we go inside. The sign reads Cafe Bar.

We sit down... talk.

"So what's the gossip, then, Reke?"
"What gossip?"
"So what's the gossip, Reke?"
"I couldn't possibly say."
"So what's the gossip Reke?"
"I'm not saying anything."

Blah blah... computers, blah, blah, cars....

"Why is Friday happy?"
"Ask him."
"Friday, why are you happy?"
"Join irc and find out."

Wraithy watches on evilly and tells all later.

"Raz, your shirt has no collar."
"I know."
"What's that, 5% off?"
"Oh 10% at least."
"That's a big collar."
"There are buttons missing too."

Drink pint of coke. Steal chairs for/from others.

Blah blah, newsgroup... wow, on topic conversation.

Drink malibu and lemonade. More conversation... Emma gets restless. Wants to
move. Where to? No one knows. The green man wanders past. We consider leaving.
We consider some more, we leave.

Outside. Long, long discussion concludes. We will get cars and rendezvous
nearby. We get cars. I'm with Raz and Andy. Andy knows where we're going. He
tells us so. We get lost.

Where's Dave? Gone. Where's Fraser? Gone too. Um... bye guys... good to meet
you. Well, I suppose hanging around in the same group constitutes meeting -
just. Wraithy has to be home soon - he's gone. Adam and Emma will need to go
home, but we can grab an hour's bowling first.

Andy will lead. We'll go to Belle Vue. Andy leads. We get lost. Lost? No, not
lost, just taken a wrong turning in the new road layout, not lost at all. Hmm,
that pint of coke wants out... let's get a move on.

Down a street, and up another. Follow a sign, realise this is wrong, get in
lane, change lane, change lane again, lose other cars... Oh dear. Ah! Signs!
Signs that say Belle Vue. Follow them. We're getting close, we're getting
closer... where have all the signs gone? We're lost. Do an in - formation
three car U turn, double back, get lost some more. Arrive at Belle Vue.

Stop car, watch Friday's car circle us. The Friday Guide to Parking, Emma
tells us. We emerge from the cars.

"Um... it used to be a bowling alley."

Turn to face the bingo hall. Bingo Hall?! Sheesh...

Go to the bingo hall, beg to use toilets. This is *some* bingo hall -
massive, it is. What a waste of a building. Make way back towards the car...
there's a person in a reflective jacket there. Looks ominous. Is Friday being
done for his parking skills? Please, no...

No, it's all right. He's just telling us that yes, of course this is where
the bowling alley was. Until last year... Andy's directional skills which are
nearly as good as mine (mine beng none existent) mean it's getting late-ish.
Adam and Emma want home. Friday needs to go find "Phil".

"How many Phils do you know? You've mentioned at least three today."
"They're the same one. How many Phils do you think I know?"
Emma tells us to ignore Adam. We agree to this. Friday agrees to take the
two of them home.

We discuss organisation. It is a short conversation - there was no
organisation. Next time there will be. We shall go to Alton Towers or some
such place, and there we will be organised.

Meanwhile Fri's leaving, so me Reke, Raz and Andy go and catch a film. A
film called Species that really wasn't worth the effort of catching. We pile
into burger king again because the lights are on and they sell coffee. We
drink coffees and talk...

and talk...
         ...and talk...

What are we talking about? Hmm... MTV... Sky TV... Amiga computers... other
computers... I'm tired. The staff at BK are putting chairs on tables. Is
this a hint? It is a hint... It's time to go. Midnight.

Off into the carpark. Time to part, so hug Razzie goodnight and eventually
let go. "Oh, you two carry on," says Reke. I consider... no, they wouldn't
really appreciate that...

Fall into Reke's little car. Fight the urge to sleep as Reke fumbles with the
Psion to see what motorway we need... arrive home. Reke drinks coffee then
leaves. I go to bed... thassit. Over. When's the next one?

This report was brought to you by Cma Enterprises.

No one was harmed or in any way injured during the course of these events.
except Adam who was roughed up by Friday.

Thanks go to: The Mancunians for putting up with us.
              Everyone who didn't leave before we arrived 1hr 10 minutes late.
              Whoever really did kick start the event.

Apologies go to:  Nick who would have liked the lift I took from Reke
                  Friday, since I never really spoke to him
                  Ang, who had to leave and missed the rest of the
                  disorganised events.
                  Dave and Fraser for not saying goodbye to them.

Good luck to:  Whoever gets put in charge of organising the Alton Towers
               event. Face it though, no matter how badly you organise it, you
               can't beat this.


Cma_____________________
IRC #Starbug - be there!

From: [email protected] (Miss A. Rosin)

Well, here comes my little reportlet...

Unlike Friday, I whimped out of driving to Manchester, not wishing to
risk the Moggie in it's mean streets.  Fraser gallantly offered to guide
me to the Arndale centre.  We met at Lime Street station at about 1115pm.
The train journey was pretty uneventful and I managed *not* to vomit,
unlike the last time I visited Manchester (I was 13 and had just drank a
Milk Shake).  Once in Manchester Fraser decided that he wanted some food,
so we went to a little pastry shop and obtained some hot savouries, munched
on the perilous journey to the Arndale centre.  The first thing I noticed
about Man. was that a large number of monuments had been wantonly vandalised
with guady paint.  the second thing I noticed was that Man. had even more
road works than Liverpool city centre, a feat I believed could never be
achieved.

We must have got to the Arndale centre at about 1230.  Given the late
arrival of *certain* members of our party, I was probably being overcautious
when I thought we should arrive so early.  Now, if someone had told me that
the Warner Bros. shop was surrounded by large plastic cartoon characters,
I may have stayed away.  We hung around by Daffy Duck, until Fraser realised
my sanity was becoming a little unhinged (I was threatening to garotte the
little tyke).  We turned to lurking beneath the escalators.  After 15 mins.
we were approached by a dodgy looking kid with a strange haircut and his
coat buttoned up to his neck.  He asked if we were here for the meet, so
I said no, but relented when he started to walk away.  'Twas Jim.

Minutes later, we were approached by two very shady individuals, one with
frighteningly big hair.  I then recieved the most *cautious* ever from
Raz (for 'twas he).  He introduced himself and Andy, and I embarrased myself
by squeeling (it was the hair!).  It soon came to my notice that I was the
only person with a RD t-shirt on, but I feel I was vindicated in my saddness.

It wasn't long before two youngsters, one with a "naughty" word on her chest
sailed past us into WB.  When they reappeared, I was sent to retrieve them,
guessing it was Adam and Emma.  Raz found Dave at some point, and so we
were only waiting for Friday, Cma and Reke.  Now, I'd noticed a very shady
character lurking at the side of us.  Suddenly he approached, told us he was
bored now, and that he was Friday.  Just to confirm this, he said "fuck" for
the next two minutes.

Past that, things ar pretty much as Friday says.  I was upset when I had
to leave, because I hadn't had a chat with anyone properly, but at least
if I pass them in a street now, I'll be able to tell who they are!
As for Alton Towers...great idea, count me in.  I know my way *there* in
a car.

Ang

From: Raz 

"Listen!  Listen to meeee!" squealed Ang, and said:
> Well, here comes my little reportlet...

"Big hair"???

Anyway, my turn now =)  Sorry bout the size... stick with it if you want...

A daytrip to Manchester...

The journey down
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are some days when you just wished you'd stayed in bed.  Being woken
by a screeching alarm clock at 7:30 on a *saturday* morning would go some
way to making any day qualify as one of those, but all in all, Saturday
14th October was *not* one of those days =).

A shower went some way towards waking me up, and I stumbled bleary-eyed out
of the house at the still-hideously-early hour of 9am.  After collecting my
mate Andy (not a n/g person (yet), but native of Manchester and therefore
invaluable guide) off we thundered down the A19 on our way to the deep
south... =)

Things went well 'till we hit Leeds.  Leeds is quite big, you see.  It has
lots of *big* roads that criss-cross each other with alarming regularity.
You know when you see speeded up film of cars coming and going at traffic
lights, how they all zoom up to the lights, wait for a second or two, the
hare off, then screech to a stop again?  Well, it's *not* speeded up.  That
footage is shot in Leeds.  That's what they *do*...  After emerging
unscathed and somewhat... *excited* ;)... from Leeds, I got to thinking
'Bloody hell, Manchester can only be worse than this... and there'll be,
like, gunfire to avoid and everything!'  Filled with trepidation,
anticipation, and indigestion, I hopped onto the M62 and we headed for our
destination.

As it turned out, apart from Leeds, the only thing that had me slightly
worried during the whole trip was that the exit for Manchester was one
annoying mile *before* the only service station we saw on the M62.  A pity,
that, for after experiencing the Leeds city center road system, I was
rather hoping I could hit Manchester on an empty set of bowels... 


The arrival
~~~~~~~~~~~
And there it was... Manchester... the concrete jungle.  After debating
where to park up, Andy directed me towards the Ardale Centre's multi-storey
whatsit - an imposing structure which holds... oohhhh... bloody *loads*
of cars.  Lots of fun was to be had climbing up the ramps - it's not often
you get to practice your hill-starts on 40 degree inclines with a car five
inches from your bumper on either side =).

We found a spot on some floor or other and headed back to ground level.  We
were early, a little after 12:30 I think, but headed towards the meeting
place in the hopes that someone else might also have arrived already.


The meetings
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a short detour to the MacDonalds' bathroom (which proved that this
chain of eateries are at least of use for something), me and Andy trouped
into the Arndale centre and stopped outside the Warner Bros shop.  That
would have been around 12:40, perhaps, early enough anyway for it to appear
that no one else was around.  There was however a girl leaning against one
of the pillars outside the shop, and after debating for five minutes
whether or not it was Ang, we decided we'd just have to ask.
 "Scuse me," said I, "are you waiting for anyone in particular?"  In
hindsight this was not perhaps the best opening line to use.
 "I am, actually," she replied with a look which I *think* was amused
disbelief, "but it's certainly not you."
 I muttered my apologies and dragged Andy into Warner Bros to cover my
embarassment =).

The two of us emerged at about 1pm, and looked around for any likely
candidates.  Andy pointed out a strange bunch huddled in a corner, one of
whom had thoughtfully put on an RD shirt.  Over we trotted, and I attempted
once more to ascertain if this person wearing the t-shirt and her friends
were who I thought they were.  As soon as I opened my mouth though,
flashbacks of my previous failed 'hello' bombarded me, which resulted in me
coming out with perhaps the most stumbling string of unconnected gibberish
I've ever managed, which is saying something, considering some of the stuff
that this n/g sees.  Anyway, the result of *that* was that the person who
turned out to be Ang genuinely looked like she was going to punch me out,
until I told her who I was, whereupon she emitted some kind of squeal and
started smiling again =D  (So Ang, does that explain why I sounded like a
12-year-old asking out a girl for the first time..?  Maybe I should have
used the "I've got this rash..." line... )

So that was Ang, Frasier and Wraithy accounted for.  A short time later,
after a particularly bored security guard told me off for  *sitting
on the ground!*, we spotted a rather odd couple walk past us.  'Hmm', I
thought, 'either that girl in the "Lets get out there and twat it!" t-shirt
has rather dubious taste in boys, or they're Emma and Adam Williamson...'.
Thankfully, once they'd finished looking around Warner Bros and actually
deigned to join us, it turned out that this was, indeed, the dynamic
a.tv.r-d brother/sister duo.

Hmmm, now I *think* it was around this time that Friday came along... but
there's confusion 'cos he sauntered up and decided to watch us all from
afar for a while, and even though I *did* have a sneaking suspicion it was
he (honest!), let's face it, when a person looks as likely to stick a knife
in your guts if you look at him the wrong way as Friday does, you tend to
keep your glances to yourself...  .  I noticed Fri got the security
guard treatment too (though he gave him more lip than I did (What'd you say
to him, Fri??  =) ))...  strangely, the same guard later let Ang rest her
weary bones without comment...

Around the same time as Friday decided we were worthy of his company, I
(well, Andy) spotted Dave Walshaw, member of the lurker-army whose mail I'd
received before setting out that morning.  He was duly dragged kicking and
screaming to join the rest of us.

So now it was around 1:45pm, and that left just two people =)...  three, if
we counted Ellie, who'd said she'd try and get here, but it was looking
less likely as time dragged by.  About as likely, actually, as the chances
of Reke and Cma turning up, and that was made worse cos they were
*definately* supposed to be arriving! =)  So, we waited, in our corner.  To
ease the boredom, we began to watch the girl standing guard outside Warner
Bros.  Would she, Fri and Emma wondered, say 'goodbye' to *everyone*, given
half a chance?  To test the theory, Emma snuck into the shop then back out
- sure enough, she was given a cheery salutation to see her happily through
the day =).

What sort of money, we pondered, does it take to make a perfectly normal
person stand outside a shop and offer banalities to every passerby??  Well,
the only way to find out was to ask, which Friday proceeded to do without
delay.  In the end, we all conquered our disbelief and joined him, perhaps
even Ang, who initially looked as though she'd have given anything to have
the ground swallow her, or preferably Fri...

Even by the time we'd finished annoying the Warner Bros girl (who worked a
half hour rotation in order to retain her sanity and received, um, three-
quid-something an hour) there was still no sign of Ell, Cma, or Reke.  I
won't say we considered leaving... I'll let someone else say that... =)

Okay, let's cut to the chase and finish off this overlong section.  After
getting moved from one site of the store to the other (under circumstances
I unfortunately missed) along came Reke and Cma, was it really over two
hours late??, but still got a hug from me.  Well, C did... =)  For the
fourth and last time I introduced everyone to the newcomers, and we were
set.  Oh, and cause of their delay..?  A horrific road smash?  Atrocious
weather conditions?  A motorway full of roadworks??  Well...  Reke slept
in...  


The day
~~~~~~~
Well, what was left of it.  After much humming and hawing, with no sign of
Ellie, and with a few us collapsing after standing around for the better
part of three hours, it was decided that food was a reasonable target to
set ourselves.  Off went the bunch, ably led by Andy (oh, how things would
change...).  I can't remember where we were heading, but wherever it was
was forgotten about when the scent of Burger King assaulted our nostrils
and arrested our tracks.  In we went, after only fifteen minutes' debate
(or did we do even better?? =) ).  Digestibles were purchased and we all
headed downstairs, to where me and C discovered that the others had
callously sealed us off from their company, and we were consigned to a
small table for two just off from the group =).  Things passed quietly -
not counting the evil Friday's hideous assault on young Adam, and the
wanton vandalism of a paper bag.  It was at this time that Ang's pass from
the asylum ran out, I think, as she made her excuses concerning family
stuff, and headed off into the...  um, well, if it's possible to see the
sun in Manchester, I obviously haven't learned the trick...  

Next stop Afflecks Palace, so we could go shopping for earrings =).
Strange it was that the three of our number who were more or less
Manchester residents had absolutely no clue as to where this place was.
Not to worry, though, as Dave (from Leeds!) got us there.  Weird place,
that.  The atmosphere inside was heavy with the heady scents of ganja,
incense and hordes of sweaty bodies, and we encountered the *strangest*
bloke...  "Throw..?  Is that some kind of euphamism for sex??"  We legged
it and left Emma to buy her earring... ;)

Thoroughly stuffed, I believe a pub was declared the next port of call, and
off we trouped once more.  In a trend that was becoming disturbingly
regular, we never actually made it, instead piling into a rather upmarket
coffee bar.  Well, *I* thought it was upmarket, as I pointed out to Andy,
at least it didn't have sawdust on the floor that squishes when you walk on
it.

Bevvies were downed, chat was made, and no gossip was forthcoming from
Reke, or me for that matter...  (you missed that, C =) ), no matter how
hard Friday tried.  It became time for Dave to catch his train back to
Leeds, and as we left the place Frasier mooched off too, leaving eight of
us trying to think of something to do.

And now... the 'fun' begins...


The evening
~~~~~~~~~~~
After what seemed like, oohh, only an hour or two, some kind of agreement
was reached to head towards, um, Belle Vue, or something, where apparently
there would be all kinds of decadent delights to tempt us all the way into
the wee hours.  Perhaps the slim hope of bowling was still being clung to
by some, I'm not sure =).  By the time this decision was made, however,
Wraithy had to leave us, and the rest of us scattered to our various
vehicles; Fri escorting Adam and Emma to his rather smart Tipo; Reke to his
cool fann^H^H^H^Hsportster; and me, Cma and Andy to...  um...  what I've
got =).

It had been agreed, I think (I tried hard to stay out of *that*
conversation), that Andy would direct me and hence lead our merry band to
Belle Vue.  (oh, Emma, the following is the bit I told you would be in the
report... )

The first thing for us three to do was find my car, which Andy assured me
was hidden away on the seventh floor of the Arndale Center carpark - I was
sure I'd gone no further than the fourth, but he was right.  I'd just had
so much fun playing on the ramps I'd completely lost track of altitude.
After paying off the carpark machine (that place must make a bloody
*fortune*), we caught a lift up (it talked!  Just like on X-Files!  Woo!)
and whizzed back down to ground level.  Okay, that's a lie - the exit ramp
was closed so we had to slowly wind our way down through through six other
levels of cars while choking to death on carbon monoxide.  The ramps were
just as cool going down as going up though, so I was happy =).

Out into the street, and it was down to Andy to get us the 500 meters or so
to the intermediate meeting place.  Now, you may be wondering where Fri's
"Mark Thatcher" assessment arose from, for Andy seems to have put up a
stirling performance so far, yeah?  Well, while pootling along some busy
street or other, we approached a crossroads.  "Straight ahead," Andy urged,
confidently.  The crossroads drew ever closer.  "Or perhaps left".  On goes
the indicator.  "No, it's straight on, go straight on."  Indicator *off*.
I pass the traffic lights.  From the corner of my eye I see Andy looking
down the street we're passing.  "It was left," he said, no doubt looking at
Fri and Reke who were no doubt there by then.

"So how do we turn around, then?"  I pressed, perhaps not quite that
politely.  From that point we carried out a sort of extended 270-degree
turn which spanned a number of blocks and side streets, allowing me to
cross the crossroads once more, this time taking the correct exit...

Um... how long *were* you guys waiting?? 

We were underway.  Off on the five mile hop to Belle Vue.  Things seemed to
be going well, I merrily followed Andy's instructions, which in the main
were okay apart from a few step-on-the-brakes turns and false alarms.  (Hey
Fri, does the term 'braking distance' ring any bells..? )

Anyway, the upshot is that after, perhaps, twenty minutes?  The convoy
rolled to a halt in some deserted industrial-type area, hopelessly lost.
Andy went off to confer with Reke, but I know not what was said -
whatever it was though, it seemed to confirm that Andy *was*, actually,
"where he thought he was", and a quick u-turn put us back on course.  After
a further (ten minutes?) or so, signs for Belle Vue began to appear, and
like a fool, faced with the prospect of new road layout that was unknown to
Andy, I decided to follow them.  After a small diversion, during which the
signs for Belle Vue just *disappeared*, we ended up back on the road we'd
previously left.  Swallowing my pride, Andy took over navigation once more,
and eventually got us to the land of legend itself - Belle Vue!

But something was wrong, and as we pulled into the carpark, the problem
became clear - the large building whose carpark we were in had 'Bingo!' all
over it in big neon letters.  A short interlude followed whereupon Fri,
Emma and Adam made like Red Indians and circled my car making 'Woo! Woo!'
noises.  All in all, that's probably what attracted the security guard...
but he was cool, and despite Andy's protestations that "this is where it
*used* to be!", we learnt that the nearest bowling place was out of town
completely...

By this time, it was time for Adam and Emma to be heading back, and Fri had
an apointment for getting sloshed too, so with heavy hearts and fond
memories, me, C, Reke and Andy waved farewell to the happy trio.

And then there were four.


The night
~~~~~~~~~
Standing in the carpark didn't keep us interested that long, for some
reason.  We decided to go catch a film, primarily because the big Showcase
Cinemas board was glowing invitingly in the middle-distance, and with the
lower number of us, there was moe chance of there being some film none of
us had seen.

We braved the drive from the Bingo place's car park to Showcase's - Reke
led this time, and only managed to lose himself once during the 200 yard
trip after driving in along the 'exit' road... ;).

After astonishingly little debate, 'Species' was chosen (heh, yeah, we know
*now*...), and twenty short minutes later, we were in.
One-hundred-and-something *long* minutes later, we were back out.  'Nuff
said? =)  Oh, and I hate cinema-seats with a vengeance.  They numb your bum
no matter *how* you sit, and the bloody armrests get in the way...

The night was yet young, maybe 10:30 or something, but the four of us
retired to another handy Burger King, and relaxed with various hot
beverages.  Yum.  I remembered I should really phone my parents to tell
them I'd arrived safely in Manchester, but when I *did* call, they'd
buggered off somewhere!  Tch, parents today.

So anyway, we eventually left BK when the staff started stacking furniture
around us and giving us dirty looks.  By then, anyone still reading will be
very pleased to know that it was time to drag ourselves back to our own
ends of the country.  Tearful farewell's were uttered, me and Andy waved
off Reke and C, and then headed vaguely towards the M62.


The journey home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not sure why this section is here... well, let's say for completeness.

The trip was uneventful, and the roads were pretty much empty - even Leeds,
for which I was personally grateful.  Actually, the roads *could* have been
packed out and I wouldn't have had an inkling, thanks to the pea-soup fog
which merrily blanked out everything beyond a 10-foot radius, all the way
back up north until about 20 miles short of the Tees.  Lovely.  Now I know
how Bev Crusher felt in her pocket universe.

And that was about it.  Dropped off Andy at his student hovel in
Middlesbrough, popped in for some wake-up juice, then back out for the last
25 miles home, collapsed into the house, survived the stairs, and into bed.
Oblivion =).


The conclusion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An excellent day =).  Three cheers to whomever we can get to claim
responsibility for setting the ball in motion.  As has been said in other
reports, despite the fact that we didn't seem to actually *do* anything, we
still managed to have a pretty fun time... and getting to see some of the
people behind the posts was an enlightening experience =D  Fri, you hold
the perhaps dubious honour of being the only person I thought with any
certainty was who I thought they would be...  It's strange that even though
I had no real ideas about what anyone would look like, you all seemed to
fit the bill now somehow =).  Emma, you remind me of someone, but I haven't
a clue who it is...=)  In fact, after getting the strange impression while
in Burger King that I must have met her in a previous life or something, it
gradually started to occur to me that I recognised *all* of you!  I could
feel my grasp on sanity slowly slipping further and further away...  =)

Anyway, it was good to meet y'all.  Alton Towers sounds great...  and who
knows, maybe we can even *organise* it sometime...  =)

And I resent the implication that my neck resembles Crazy-Legs Crane's.
Hmph.  Told you... it's a family hand-me-down =)

Signing off... at *last*...
Raz