(You'll have to supply your own human beatbox noises. A-one, two, a-one, two, three, four, um-chakka, um-chakka, um-chakka, um...)
Well c'mon everybody, c'mon an' draw near
We've a story to tell, an' we're tellin' it here
Start your hands a-clappin' and your toes a-tappin'
Boogaloo to the crew of the Red Dwarf rappin'
Three million years into deep, deep space
With the last known survivor of the human race
A senile computer, a mechanical man
A humanoid cat and a hologram
The name of the human is David Lister
Eating curries and getting pished are
Two of the reasons that he had to get slimmer
And he lent his body to Arnold Rimmer
Rimmer is the chap with the "H" on his head
Meaning "hologram" 'cos he's long since dead
A failed space cadet with no charm or grace
A far cry indeed from dimension jumping Ace
What a guy!
The Cat is descended from a household moggie
He's devilishly handsome, well that's his story
Looking good and sleeping make up most of his day
And he hopes sometime to get his end away
The next crewman, Kryten, is a mechanoind
He had, in human form, a double polaroid
He is being taught by Lister how to be more human
How to lie and rebel, and fancy Nanette Newman
Er, I mean Felicity Kendall
Holly, let's be fair to him, is quite, quite stupid
But it takes imagination to play a jape like he did
As disciplined Queeg he followed all the rules
And suckered the crew with an April (May, June, July and August) Fool
Of course we could mention Talkie Toaster
Toasting bread products was his raison d'etre
Made by Crapola, and so aptly named,
He was, by David Lister and a lump hammer, maimed
So now you know all about Red Dwarf
With Mister Data and Lieutenant Worf
Her continuing mission is to boldly go
Where no one has gone... Oh! smeg, wrong show.
Don't you just hate it when that happens? =)
