From: Emma Williamson 

Well I've decided to have a go at writing a report on the Tamworth 
meet.  Look, stop laughing!!  This is probably the most boring meet 
report, so you might as well just wait for Raz's and Friday's 
reports, and in the meantime, just press Page Down in rapid 
succession, but I tried, OK?  Right, so let's see, here we go:

I very sleepily got up at 7 o' clock, and went out to do my paper 
round.  I got back around 9 o' clock to find my mum and dad sitting in 
the kitchen, looking very worried, and now not at all sure about 
letting us go or not.  Various objections were raised, including "it's 
a long way", "none of us really know Friday" and "I don't mind driving 
you on the motorway, because I know I'm safe!".  Anyway, we persuaded 
mum and dad to come to meet Friday, as by now it was too late to get 
in touch with him or anything.

So at 9.40am, we set off for Knutsford services, having arranged to 
meet Friday there on the bridge.  We arrived at 10 o' clock, and Fri 
arrived 5 minutes later.  Having been introduced to my parents who 
seemed to take to him immediately (wonders will never cease!), we were 
allowed to go.

We set off down the motorway, chattering aimlessly, and listening to 
various music, before finding ourselves at junction 12 on the 
motorway, and then whizzing across the country to Tamworth.  Once in 
Tamworth, it didn't take too long to find the cinema where we were 
supposed to be meeting, and we also found a multi storey car park, and 
succeeded in squeezing in on the second floor, squeezing being the 
operative word, as Friday parked about half an inch away from the 
wall!!

We turned round, and to our surprise, we found a car full of other 
meeters behind us, being Raz, Ang, Cma, Lee and Kim.  They said hello, 
and then disappeared off up a ramp to find a parking space.  We went 
down and over to the cinema, where we hovered, well, we didn't exactly 
hover, Friday played a pinball game (hopelessly :)) until the others 
arrived.  No sign of anyone else, so we all moved to the pizza place 
just over the road.  Obvious really, I mean the first thing anyone 
seems to think of on one of these meets is their stomach!

Anyway, we consumed vast amounts of pizza, and paid vast amounts of 
money.  While we were eating, Cma revealed that Adam had asked her 
where Cma was, and she'd said "Oh I don't know, she probably isn't 
here yet!"  I had a hell of a laugh at that, that's just the sort of 
thing Ads does!

Computery talk happened.

More computery talk happened.

Adam and Emma talked to Ang about something.

Friday talked to anyone and everyone.

Raz and Lee *finally* decided what sort of pizza they wanted :)

Nick appeared!

Having eaten, it was decided by some important people, that we should 
go to the towny bit to get some money.  Someone got some money (Raz?). 
Friday and Nick talked about some script or other, and then we moved 
on through the town.  Friday did some skateboarding without a 
skateboard, and Raz teased me cos I was fascinated by this machine 
that sold rubber balls that rolled round and round the machine before 
they dropped out the bottom.  It doesn't take much to fascinate me!

We reached the bowling and Sega World place (which hadn't been turned 
into a bingo hall!) and decided to go and play on the Sega machines.  
Fri and Lee played this stupid helicopter rescue game, but failed 
miserably because they didn't know what they were supposed to be 
doing!  Adam and I played a daft racing game, and he beat me, needless 
to say.  Then a few people played air hockey and various other games, 
and then everyone had a go at Daytona.  There were 8 of us all in a 
row, but unfortunately, we never managed to get ourselves organised 
enough to play against everyone, so some of us ended up racing against 
each other, I think there were 4 of us.

I only managed to crash into one other player, Friday.  I think 
*everyone* hit Friday.  It might have been something to do with the 
fact that that was the best way to steer, bounce off something 
(somebody) else.  Unfortunately I came last as I went the wrong way 
and ended up in the pits, and Cma managed to hit a building that 
appeared out of nowhere at some point!!  Either Friday or Lee won 
every game we played, and I think Nick won a couple too, with everyone 
else deciding they were equally bad!

Having played on the machines for an hour or so, with some bitter, 
macho arguments ensuing between people (Lee and Friday mainly), we 
decided to see if we were any better at bowling.  Some people were too 
bloody good, Friday, Lee, Raz and Raz were the best, and Ang was 
nearly as good.  I didn't do too badly at the end, once I'd actually 
started scoring any points.  And then there were Kim, Adam and Cma, 
who got better as time went by.

And then worse again.

And then better again......

After that we went and sat in the bar and chatted.  Then Nick had to 
go, so we all waved him off, and then there were 8 (less Adam, who was 
lost).  Computery talk happened.  Meet-next-year-talk happened.  
People drunk various fermented fruit and other drinks.  Film talk 
happened.  Then Ang and Kim had to go, so we waved goodbye to them as 
well.  And then there were 5 (less Adam, who was still lost).

At this point, I moved onto the nice comfy bench seat and fell asleep, 
so I missed a lot of conversation.  I woke up about 15mins later, and 
I can't remember what else was talked about.  At 7.45pm, everyone 
decided they had to go.  I was reluctantly sent to unlose Adam, who 
was watching other people play video games as he ran out of money 
aeons ago!

We found our way back to the car park.  Lee floored Adam.  Goodbyes 
were said.  Lee floored Friday who dragged him down as well.  Raz 
worried about his safety, and then Cma, Raz and Lee went off in search 
of Raz's car which was on level B, but they didn't quite know where it 
was, considering Fri's car was on level 2!!  We found level B, after 
going *upwards* to get *out*.  Raz's car was on it's own in the middle 
of the car park, with no sign of Raz, Cma or Lee anywhere.  We just 
hoped they got back safely.  Are you there Raz??  Cma??  Lee??  For 
all we know, they could still be walking around that car park!!

We got lost getting back.  *Since Tamworth was such a nice place, the 
people who rule it were very happy to let you in, but didn't think 
there was any reason for you to leave again. Hence the fact that the 
signs from the M6 led very nicely into Tamworth, but the ones to the 
M6 coming out of Tamworth didn't get you to the M6 at all but 
cunningly landed you straight back in Tamworth again.*  We nearly 
ended up in Coventry at one point before reaching a roundabout, where 
Fri decided to do the sensible thing and head towards Birmingham, 
knowing the motorway must be somewhere between where we were and 
Birmingham, and if not we could get back on it at Birmingham.  
Fortunately, Fri found the motorway, but we somehow managed to leave 
the motorway at J12 on the way down to get to Tamworth, but we 
rejoined it at J5 when we went back up to go home.  Ooooops!


Still, Fri delivered me and Adam safely at Knutsford services, and Dad 
appeared to chauffeur us home, so we, well me really (Adam had 
wandered off my that point) bid a fond farewell to Friday who 
disappeared off into the night leaving us to wind our weary way home.

In Closing:

Thank you sooo much to Friday for giving us a lift and looking after 
us.

Thanks Lee for giving me 20p.
Thanks Raz for buying me two drinks.

See you all in Liverpool, I hope!

Adam's Note: Emma is blatantly lying at least twice in this parable. I 
WASN'T lost, shown by the fact that I came back downstairs at least 
three times between the point she says I was lost and when she says I 
was still lost. Also, I WAS there waving farewell to Fri at the bitter 
end. Lying woman :)

P.S  The bit between the two stars was written by Adam.  Probably the 
only bloody funny bit in the whole lot.  Mumble...mumble...mumble...

From: Nick Honeywell 

Despite various circumstances, such as Reke being unavailable, and my mum
being unenthusiastic, I manged to go to the Tamworth Meet!

This is my story ...  Please try and read all of it.  Donations are welcome =)

               Prologue

T'was a dark and dreary friday night, when my dad said he might take me to
Tamworth.  Of course, I got all excited, and vowed to make my dad's life
a misery if he changed his mind.  My mum tried to put the dampers of things,
however, saying that the weather would be too bad.  Of course, I didn't
listen to her.  I mean, who trusts people who say that there will be no
hurrcane?

However, I went to bed that night, full of tetradiption.

              The Next Morning

I woke up that next morning, and rubbed my bleary eyes.  The time on my watch
was 8am, and my room was dark and gloomy.  'Oh sod it!', I thought.  'The
weathers bad'.  Then I remembered that I hadn't opened my curtains.  It wasn't
my fault, I'm not used to being awake before 10:30am.
So I got out of bed and pulled those curtains wide apart.  Then I was 
staggering around the room, wondering why I hadn't put some sunglasses on 
first, as the weather was perfect.

The next hour or so went by in a blur.  To summarize.  I checked my mail to
make sure no details had changed.  I woke my dad, got dressed, and had 
breakfast.  At least, I think I had breakfast ...  Then I got my wallet
(remember it, Raz?) and stuffed some money in it, before going outside where
my humble chariot awaited.  My chauffer staggered out a minute or so later,
looking like he'd rather had stayed in bed.  I almost felt sorry for him,
but changed my mind when I thought of all the times he'd dragged me off to
boring craft fairs =)

                 The Journey

Whats to say?  My dad drove, I read the map.  That is, I just looked for
which motorway we'd have to join and which junction Tamworth was near, seeing
as my dad knew where Birningham was.  I put my tape on the car stero, however,
my dad was not enamoured by my taste of music (who could not like 10CC, The 
Move, or Van McCoy?), so he listend to the radio instead.

Then we reached Tamworth.

           Tamworth - A Beginning

Surprisingly, it didn't take long to find the cinema.  A rather large UCI
multiplex 10 screen cinema.  We pulled up in the car park at 11:45am.  Just
some time for me to have some grub, I thought.  So I ate some sandwitches
made by me mum.  Come 11:55am, I thought it was time to stand in front of the
cinema, and freeze to death.  My dad stayed in the car ... the *warm* car ...
saying he'd come over later.  They'll be here soon, I thought.

Come 12, no one was there.  After 10 minutes of waiting, I was struck with a
sudden thought - what if I was at the wrong cinema?  After asking the bloke
behind the counter, it turned out that the UCI was the only cinema.  By half
past tweleve, I was slightly worried.  Then I remembered that they were meeting
someone at the station.  Cogs wirred, gears grated.  My brain had the idea that
the train might be late, so it was off to the station.  Waste of a trip it was,
the station was ... totally empty.

Back at the cinema, no one was there.  Then I recall that Cma suggested bowling
as an activity, so it was off to the bowling alley.  Nuffink.  Sod all.  By
no, the time was nearing 1pm.  So it was a desparate last gasp attempt to stand
around at the cinema for a bit longer.

Still no one turned up.  I dreading that I would get arrested for loitering with
intent, I went of to where my dad had parked then car.  Then I noticed the
Deep Pan Pizza Co. place.  'Aw bugger!  They wouldn't!'  I thought.  So it was
of to the pizza place.

              At Deep Pan Pizza Co.

I stepped through the doors into a nice warm room.  Before I had a chance to
scan the tables, I was accosted by one of the waiters.  I asked if there was
a large group of people dining there.  He pointed at a large group.  I asked
him various questions - Are they here for a Red Dwarf meet?  Do you know what
any of them are called.  He couldn't answer any of the questions, and all
I saw was four people I didn't know and four heads.  Then one of the heads
turned.  It appeared to have a Red Dwarf t-shirt on.  So I wandered on over,
intent on embarassing^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hintroducing myself if it was the
right group.  Then I uttered those immortal words.

'Um...Are you guys here for the alt.tv.red-dwarf meet?'

And of course, they were.  Yay!  I'd found them!  Now I was closer, I 
recognised Lee and Cma from the FP signing.  I hadn't noticed them before
because they were facing the wrong direction.  Then there was a bloke with a
highly elongated neck ... so I figured that must be Raz.  It was =)  That left
one person who could only be Friday, two kids who who could be nothing else
other that the Williamson siblings ... and two others who I have no idea who
are.  Sorry =(

After me idignatntly pointing out they were meant to be at the cinema, I was
introduced to everyone, and I sat down.  I must say, that as well as having
a long neck, Raz also looked like he had swallowed an exceedingly large
gobstopper, sorry Raz =)

/mode +summarize

Made idle chit-chat
Friday called me a slacker for notr fixing software
Left pizza place
Friday makes fool of himself
Go to bank

/mode -summarize

It was at this point I grouched at Raz about them not waiting for me at the
cinema.  'It was their fault!  Not mine!', Raz said, 'I told them we should
wait for Nick'.  Then Cma beat him up because he was the one who forced
everyone to leave by saying 'I'm hungrym lets go'.  Git.

/mode +summarize

Friday gets indignant because I hadn't read his part of the SAR
Walked through Tamworth a lil' bit
Friday, Raz, Emma and Adam go wrong way
I point out to Raz that everyone else has gone *that* way
Raz fetches them
We reach the bowling alley

/mode -summarize

           The Bowling Alley - And Sega World

Once we get to the bowling alley, Friday gets all excited at the prospect of
arcade machines, so after some debate we go upstairs to Sega World first.
For some reason, I found myself following Lee and Friday.  Lee and Friday
both played a choplifter type game.  Friday was admittedly rubbish, because he
didn't know what he was doing.  Poor chap, we should had sent him to the mental
home there and then =)

After being utterly confused on Choplifter, Friday, me and Lee wander down 
towards the bottom of the arcade, passing Raz and Cma playing a beatemup on
the way.  Right down the bottom were the creme de la creme of arcade machines.
Namely Sega Ralley and Daytona USA.  Excitedly, Friday ran off to play Sega
Ralley, and I followed.

Heck, all in all, Sega Ralley in an excellent game, even with speed boost.
Here were the results.

1st Race.  Winner : Me
           Loser  : Friday

2nd Race   Winner : Me
           Loser  : Friday

After this, some of the others had worked there way down to the bottom, and
as there were more than four of us, we decided to play on Daytona USA.  Raz
and Cma were too slow in putting their money in, so they ended up not playing,
poor them =(  I won that race, but I don't know how everyone else did.

Now poor little Friday wasn't used to loosing so badly, so we had another
race.  This time Cma got her money in on time, but Raz was too slow.
Needless to say, most of the time I was winning.  Until that
little creature called Adam squashed me next to the wall, causing me to flip.
After that, I flipped twice more and finished fourth =(  However, I would
just like to add that I was slightly distracted at times because I was trying
to play to fruit machine to get extra credits, so it wasn't all my fault =)

Then everyone got fed up of Daytona USA.  Apart from Friday.  So he put his 
coin in to have another go.  Quick as a flash, I was in the other seat and 
stuffing a coin of my own in.  Cue much groaning from Friday.
Surprisingly, that race was very close, being neck and neck most of the
time, until on the last corner, Friday found himself very close to the wall.
I was struck with a sudden inspiration, and I steered into Friday, causing him
to flip and loose.  Sorry Fwi! =)  Then we went down to play bowling.

/mode +summarize

Told Friday that now was his chance to humiliate me
Paid our money
Got our shoes
Watched Lee bowl in a 'professional' manner, dinky lil' glove and funny stance
an' all =)  Sorry Lee =)
Laughed at Adam's way of bowling
Gaped (well, I did) at my almost endless row of spares
Friday got 114
I beat Friday with 122
Went upstairs and played on more arcade machines
Friday beat everyone at Sega Ralley, but only because I wasn't playing
Played against Friday and beat him by a narrow margin (damn!  He gets better!)
Watched Lee and Friday play on Railchase 2
Laughed when I realised that Friday was still waggling his joystick around
even though he was dead
Went down to the bar
Wondered if we'd lost Adam

/mode -summarize

Then my dad came along and dragged me away.  But only after I'd introduced him
to everyone I pointed out Crazylegs Crane. =)

All in all, I good day.  When's the next meet? =)

Oh s***, this sucker is big!  Sorry. =/

From: Friday 

alt.tv.red-dwarf Meet Report:  Tamworth - A New Perspective
-----------------------------------------------------------

Well, I guess I don't really need to write a report, as Nick and Emma
have already provided us with sterling works; However, I feel the need
to put *my* version of events to the jury. ;)

In the beginning was the word; and the word was "Tamworth".  A place of
mystery - for me, at least; never having been there.  Full of tetradiption,
(is that right, Nick?), I clambered into the Teapot, cranked up the tunes,
and wally-wheelspinned out of the carpark.  Once more, I was on my way.
*vrooom* *vrooom* *vrooom* went the traffic.  *boom* *boom* *boom* went
the stereo.  I kept reminding myself to stop at Knutsford services to
pick up Adam and Emma.  I'd better not forget, or my name would be mud.
In due course I arrived at the aforementioned services.  It was about
10:05 - I was a little overdue.  I parked the car in sensible fashion,
just in case the Wicked Parents[tm] were watching ;), and got out.  I
saw Emma and her little sister on the bridge and waved.  In I went to
meet them.  "You've got to meet my parents," apologised Emma.  "Ah," I
thought, "a vetting," and slipped into best behaviour mode. =)  I think
I must have managed to persuade the Evil Father[tm] that I was, in fact,
nothing like Jack the Ripper, as I was duly allowed to whisk Emma and Adam
(who we retrieved from skulking around the videogames downstairs) away
from the protective custody of They Who Must Only be Mentioned in Hushed
Tones[tm].

The rest of the journey down was pretty uneventful.  Adam "treated" my
ears to the dulcet tones of, erm, "Offspring" I think, though it may
have been "Offal". =)  We peeled off the M6 at Jcn 12, at about 11-ish (?).
We'd get to Tammy in plenty of time.  However, the rest of the journey
was pretty slow, as we got stuck behind trucks and such, and it was only
an A-road, so average speeds were slower.  In time we reached Tamworth,
and found the UCI cinema. A quick spin around the carpark revealed that
there was nowhere to park, so we whizzed out and round the corner to
the multistorey carpark across the road.  Up we went to level two, and
as luck would have it, someone was just leaving, so we nipped in to the
freshly-vacated space.  As we got out of the car, who should we see
behind us, piloting a carful of people, but Raz. Apparently the people
in his car were squatters, but Raz - being the kind soul that he is -
didn't have the heart to turf them out, and he let them come along for
the ride.

Come a little after midday, there were eight of us in the foyer of the
Tamworth multiplex - myself, Adam and Emma, Raz, CMA and Ang, and a
couple of people I didn't recognise.  I presumed that the bloke-type
was Lee (Sav), as I knew he was turning up.  The other was a lass called
Kim. No idea who she was, but I guess she was a friend of CMA's.  Nowt to
do with a.t.r-d from what I could see, but very welcome nonetheless.  Raz
must have been howling for food because we'd hardly been together a few
minutes when he and CMA frogmarched us off to Deep Pan Pizza.  Not knowing
that we were meant to be meeting anyone else, off we all trotted.  Now, at
this time, I presume that Nick was skulking around the foyer of the UCI
somewhere.  We failed, dismally, to spot him.  Maybe, if CMA had said that
we might be seeing Nick, we would have looked out for him, and hung around
longer; but she didn't, so we didn't.  Sorry, Nick.  Blame her, she's the
one.   =)

In the pizza place we all had pizza.  Funnily enough.  Raz and Lee
shared a pizza.  A big one.  Meant for four people.  =)  Now, it has
to be said that Lee doesn't so much eat food from his plate as shovel
it in in a rapidfire sort of way.  Sorry, Lee, but you can't deny it.
Anyway, before Raz had had two slices of pizza, Lee had polished off
five. =)  He eyed the final piece with gluttony aforethought.  Raz
pointed out that he had only had two slices, and Lee looked a little
guilty. *Very* little.  Raz offered the final slice to Lee, who declined
gracefully - though I suspect that inside he was screamming *gimme*. =)
Raz took the final slice, and only actually took about two bites from it;
something for which I doubt Lee will ever forgive him.  As we were all
scoffing our pizzas a wary figure approached us and said something.
I didn't hear what, but I caught the phrase "Red Dwarf" in there somewhere.
Although I don't remember getting introduced, I made a quantum leap of
thought, and deduced that the stranger was Nick Honeywell.  Ah, so not
a stranger after all.  (Secretly I thought "Damn, he's turned up so that
he can beat me at Sega Rally", as we had discussed it previously on IRC.)
Nick remarked that Raz appeared to have swallowed an unfeasibly large
gobstopper... =)  I accept no responsibility for that comment; though I
will hold my hand up to being the one to blame for when Nick later pointed
out to his father the remarkable similarity between Raz and Crazylegs
Crane.

We left the pizza place, and headed out into the cold again.  "Where are
we going?"  "Bowling."  A few mumbles, then "Nah, we want to go to Sega
world and play videogames."  "It's upstairs at the bowling alley," came
the reply.  "Ah, OK.  Carry on, then,"  was the sheepish 'we knew that'
response. =)

We trogged through the town, and Raz did the hole-in-the-wall thing.  Ang,
CMA and Kim disappeared.  I've no idea where to, but one minute they were
there, the next they were gone.  With no evidence to the contrary, I came
to the conclusion that they must have been abducted by sinister space
aliens.  Anyway, by the time Raz had finished with the ATM (he wouldn't let
me see his PIN ;( ) the three abductees were back.  Happily they looked none
the worse for their ordeal. We walked a bit further, and Emma tried the hole-
in-the-wall thing, but couldn't remember her PIN.  After two attempts she
gave it up as a bad lot and we went on our way.  One course-correction and
short walk later we were at the bowling alley.

"What are we doing first?  Bowling, or playing videogames?"  Apathy was
rife - most people didn't have a preference, so videogames it was.  At
this point we split into little pockets, so I'm not sure about what
everyone did.  However, Lee and I played a helicopter thing.  I think I
did remarkably well, considering I didn't even notice the map... =)  Of
course, everyone else will tell you I was plain rubbish...  It's lies. =)
Next it was on to the Sega Rally machines.  "Oooh, goody," I thought.
I'd played one a couple of times in Blackpool, and they're a fun game.
I knew I was likely to get beaten, but I played against Nick anyway.
Sure enough, he beat me every time. =)  Congratulations, Nick.  Still,
I try to console myself with the thought that he's had more practice than
me.  Up against the far wall was a row of Daytona machines. Hurrah! We
could have an eight player game.  Well, there were seven of us up for the
challenge, so we fired in our credits.  I'm not sure what went wrong when,
but we tried a couple of times and never did manage to get all seven of
us playing the same game.  The first race was won by Nick.  Obviously. =)
Emma succeeded in making me crash after only about *2* seconds!  In fact,
I wouldn't be surprised if *everyone* drove into me at some point or
other. =)  Except Nick, who was out in front.  Nick and I did have a
one-on-one race at Daytona.  This race was *very* close - nip-and-tuck
all the way.  It was neck and neck coming in to the last bend, when
as you already know, Nick had a flash of inspiration and drove me into
the wall, making me crash and burn.  He went on to win the race.  Good
move, Nick.  You're right - it serves me right for driving too close to
the wall.  And, yes, if the situation had been reversed, I'd have pulled
exactly the same stunt on you. =)  As we all know; it's not how you play
the game. Winning is everything. ;)

And so, to bowling.  As you can only get six players per lane, and there
were nine of us, we booked two lanes adjacent to each other.  "I'm not
very good," said Lee.  "No, nor am I," said everyone else.  Then Lee
produced a very professional-looking glove thing, and proceeded to strap
it to his bowling hand.  "Oh, it's just to support my wrist," he claimed.
Yeah, right... =)

Some people have, um, "interesting" bowling styles. Adam likes to hold
his balls in two hands. =)  He claims it's because they're too heavy
otherwise.  Nick started off launching the balls like Barnes-Wallace
bouncing bombs, first striking the lane some four feet from the start.
CMA's technique would see her much sought after in the gutter-sweeping
industry, as that's where most of her strikes wound up - though she
did improve.  Emma and Kim had similar styles to CMA; and similar results.
Easily the best amongst the girlz was Ang, who boasted of her misspent
youth.  Anyway, here are the scores of the alt.tv.red-dwarf Tamworth Meet
Bowling Challenge:

Player     1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10  Total
------    --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---  -----
Lee        9/  30  51  6/  90  7/  X   90  90 SX72  126
           13  16  22  41  50  70  89  98 107 126

Nick       8/  9/  90  80  80  9/  80  54  40  X9/  122
           19  38  47  55  63  81  89  98 102 122

Friday     34 S80  80  9/  5/  X   X   16  71  03   114
            7  15  23  38  58  79  96 103 111 114

Raz        60  70  30  9/  8/  30  7/  61  34  09    89
            6  13  16  34  47  50  66  73  80  89

Ang        60  X   03  14  90  X   71  80  80  X01   89
            6  19  22  27  36  54  62  70  78  89

Emma       10  00  03  00  44  40  90  36  X   7/6   70
            1   1   4   4  12  16  25  34  54  70

Adam       3/  00  01  33  09  03  35  10 S80  30    49
           10  10  11  17  26  29  37  38  46  49

Kim        00  07  63  45  03  90  50  60  00  00    48
            0   7  16  25  28  37  42  48  48  48

CMA        00  30  00  00  01  3/  30 S71  8/  03    41
            0   3   3   3   4  17  20  28  38  41

Average score: ~83

Premature Ejaculation Award for Coming First:  Lee

ASLEF Award for the Most Strikes:  Ang (3)

England Rugby World Cup Team Award for Losing it in the Last Round: Friday

Barnes-Wallace Award for Peppering the Lane With Pot-Holes: Nick

Tabloid Press Award for Sweeping the Gutter: CMA, with an honourable mention
                                             for Kim

Arthur Fowler Award for Cracking Under Pressure: Friday (missed the turkey
                                                         by miles)

Sobriety Award for Being Last to See Double: CMA

Pissed as a Newt Award for Being First to See Triple:  Friday

It's My Report and I'll Do What I Like Award for Awarding Himself
the Most Awards:  Friday

And that was the bowling done with. The rest of the afternoon and evening
was taken up with various people playing yet more videogames, and chatting
in the bar.  Some time between 4:30 and 5pm, Nick's father arrived to
take him away from us. *shame*  If I'd *known* they were going upstairs
to play Sega Rally, I'd have grabbed my chance of a rematch!, but I didn't,
so I didn't.  Ah well, next time... =)  Ang and Kim took their leave of us
at roughly 6:15 pm or so, to go catch their trains.  At some point, Emma
decided to catch forty winks.  I won't embarrass her by saying *where* she
fell asleep, as I'm sure that if she wants you to know she'll tell you
herself, but those that were there will just tip a few knowing looks in her
direction. ;)  And so it was that we sat in the bar chatting, and Adam
mournfully watched people playing videogames, wishing he had some money
left.  Before we knew it, the time was... hmmm, I can't remember what the
time was, but it was decided that it was a good time to start heading home.
For a start, I had to get Adam and Emma back Oop North at a reasonable
time.  So off we trotted, back to the carpark, hoping against hope that it
was still open and hadn't shut its gates at 6pm...  As luck would have it,
the carpark was still open *huzzah!*, so Raz and I paid our fees and went
to find the cars.

We found my car easily - I knew exactly where it was - so Adam, Emma and I
said cheerio to CMA, Raz and Lee.  As a special parting git^Hft, Lee decided
that it would be rather cool to trip Adam and myself up. I didn't actually
see him do Adam, and when he did it to me I was caught off-guard.  To be
frank, I wasn't expecting anything quite so childish. =)  Hi, Lee. =)
Anyway, my brain went into "right, you bastard" mode, and my "If I'm going
down, you're coming with me" reflexes took over, and as I fell to the floor,
I dragged Lee down with me.  If I'd been in worse humour things could have
got ugly, but I managed to keep control of my temper, and let it pass -
much to the amazement of Raz and CMA, I'm sure. =)  According to CMA, my
body "physically seethed", though I'm not entirely sure what that entails.
Anyway, I have Lee's address, and he'll be receiving a special Yuletide
visit from the Lancaster Mafia, and propping up the Brent flyover come
sunrise. =) As The Management would say, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New
Kneecap.

I'm not sure how long it took Raz to find his car, but it was sitting alone
in the carpark when I drove past a few minutes later.  Anyway, out into the
night, and headed for home.

Ah, home.  Which way's that, then?  Follow the signs, thought I.  And I did.
"M6" it said.  I followed it.  "Coventry" said the next one.  "Eh?" I
thought, "what happened to the M6?"  Next thing we know, we are reading a
sign happily telling us that Tamworth is 'this way'.  Oh no!  We've entered
the Twilight Zone; do do DO do, do do DO do... All roads now lead to
Tamworth.  *argh!*  Fortunately, inspiration struck me, and I decided that
the easiest course of action was to head for Birmingham, and rejoin the M6
there.  This we duly did, only 7 junctions south of where we'd left the
motorway on the way down...  Actually, I think the route we took back was
quicker than down because there was less time on A-roads stuck behind other
traffic.

The journey home was fun.  Adam, Emma and I argued about such topics as
vivisection and vegetarianism.  Well, we didn't really argue, but I was
playing Devil's Advocate and putting the pro-animal experiments and
consumption case.  It was most stimulating - Adam and Emma are a couple
of smart cookies, and belie their tender years.  (I'll take a cheque,
guys ;) )  I was entirely unable to persuade them that there really are
few things quite so scrummy as a bacon buttie.  Their parents have done
a right proper job on them. =)

Back once more at Knutsford Services, Emma made like E.T. and we waited
for Pops to arrive to cart the Williamson siblings home, which he duly
did.

All-in-all, a most enjoyable event; I can't wait until the next one.
Ah, yes, the next one...  it's looking likely to be another northern
event, with Ang charged with the task of scouting out things to do in
Liverpool.  Other suggestions for places to go include Leeds, Alton
Towers once it reopens, and the Metro Centre in Gateshead.  I also
think that Blackpool would make a good venue for a meet.  There should
probably be a meet in the South at some point - so, suvveners, get
your suggestions in to the Committee for Meets of Alt.tv.red-dwarf (CMA).
*giggle*  Sorry, CMA. =)  Any suggestions for meet venues could be posted
to the newsgroup; or if there is demand for it, I'll set up a UK Meets
mailing list.